Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships are intimidating to many people. Without even the basic physical side of a relationship – no kisses, hugs, sly smiles, or knowing winks – many couples are unsure whether or not they can stick together while they are far apart. With dedication and a few reconnecting techniques, however, a true romance can survive no matter how many miles may separate the participants.

Types of Long Distance Relationships

When most people think about a long distance romance, they consider phone calls and months or years passing without physically being with your significant other. In truth, there are several types of long distance relationships and each one needs to be dealt with in slightly different ways to accommodate its special circumstances.

The classic long distance commitment is one where two people have met and been together in person, then one of them must relocate, forcing their relationship to span miles. Why the couple must be apart can be any number of reasons: high school sweethearts attending two different colleges, a military deployment, or relocating to a new job before both parties can move.

Some relationships begin as long distance encounters, and the couple must reconcile their emotions with the fact that they may never yet have met in person. These types of relationships may begin as a match through dating web sites, personal ads, or pen pals.

Long distance marriages are perhaps the most difficult type of relationship to maintain across the miles. The reasons for a married couple to be forced into a long distance situation are quite varied, including military deployment, sudden relocation, estrangement and reconciliation, or frequent business travel.

What is Long Distance?

Long distance has different definitions depending on who you ask. For someone without a car, unlimited cell phone use, or public transportation, long distance may be just a few miles; while to another couple, several dozen miles is no obstacle and does not qualify as a long distance relationship. The defining characteristic of “long distance” is complete physical separation for long periods of time (in excess of a week or two). If the couple is able to meet every weekend, for example, that would not necessarily be defined as long distance. Furthermore, the amount of distance is irrelevant: a few miles may as well be a few hundred to a young couple without means of transportation.

Surviving the Miles

In today’s technological society of free cell phone calls, unlimited email, text messaging, phone cameras, and chat rooms, it may seem easy to overcome the obstacles of a long distance committment. In fact, the latest affordable technology is video phone software, such as the one offered by SightSpeed. While nothing can replace the magic of just being there, with video calling you can at least see as well as hear the person you’re talking to, which makes the connection more personal. All you need is a computer, web cam, and high speed internet connection to talk as long as you want for free.

None of those communication methods, however, can compensate for the lack of physical contact and connection with a significant other. Text characters on a screen cannot convey emotion no matter how many emoticons are used, and a few still photographs or a webcam image are not equivalent to a vibrant smile, personable laugh, and gentle touch. To truly feel connected with your significant other from far away, it is vital to maintain a physical link through the postal service: hand-written letters, care packages, and surprise deliveries truly bring a long distance relationship closer.

The key to making that physical connection is to develop personal rituals, just as couples together in person develop idiosyncrasies that define their relationship. Some ideas include:

• Using unique stationary for each letter – papers and cards sent only to that special someone.
• Sealing each letter with a lipstick kiss or other private symbol.
• Enclosing photographs or other material (recent receipts, ticket stubs, etc.) to let the other person feel involved.
• Creating care packages with longer letters, favorite foods, voice tapes or CDs, and other personal items.
• Exchanging clothing that “smells right” – a hint of perfume, aftershave, or cologne can make it seem as if the other person just wore it.
• Choosing a private time to speak on the phone without interruptions – before bed is a good time when both individuals can say good night and sweet dreams.

Naturally, one of the best revitalizing techniques for long distance relationships is to meet in person whenever possible – while on leave, during holiday breaks, or just for a surprise weekend. For many couples, however, that may not be financially possible, and developing personal traditions to augment the relationship is vital to its success.

Benefits of Long Distance Relationships

Why would anyone want a to have a relationship so far apart? Depending on the circumstances, it can actually be beneficial on several levels. For example, if a couple is at separate universities, they can concentrate on their studies more consistently rather than be concerned about as many social events or finding dates. Both individuals can discover their personal strengths and weaknesses and learn to be self-sufficient prior to a more committed relationship in person. The same argument for self-sufficiency can be made for married couples who are temporarily separated under a variety of circumstances, as well as for couples struggling to reconcile potential differences in their relationship.

Long distance relationships also lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships in the long run. Because the couple cannot rely on the physical aspects of their partnership, they must explore one another’s personalities more fully, learning more about each other’s likes, dislikes, history, and dreams than they may have discovered otherwise. This can help a love relationship develop into a long-term, committed partnership based on far more than fleeting physical attributes.

Even as society becomes more connected with advancing technology, long distance relationships can flourish and prosper to create loving, committed couples who can function confidently both as individuals and as a united couple. No matter what the circumstances of the separation, with a bit of effort and personal ingenuity, a distant relationship can be just as fulfilling and meaningful as any close-contact partnership.

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