Long Distance Relationship Advice

Some Long Distance Relationship Advice

Reader Question

I've been with my boyfriend less than a month. I met him while on travel and had to leave where he lives. But since I came back home, he called once and said that he will not call me everyday just because he wants to avoid complaints. Meaning that he doesn’t want me to complain because he does not call everyday. This man never says to me: I want you, etc. I'm confused if he really cares about me or loves me. During the time I spent with him, we had wonderful time and he cared a lot. What do you think? Do I have to continue with him? Please answer me.

-- Contributed by: momo

Expert Reply

Dear Momo,

Long distance relationships take a lot of work. I was just talking with a woman yesterday who is getting married in July. She and her fiancé dated long distance for seven months before living in the same state together. I know of others who met and maintained a long distance relationship, some even getting married. All of these people will tell you that things move slower when you are dating long distance. Moreover, they all thought this was a good thing because it allowed each couple to talk and get to know each other through phone calls, emails and text messaging.

On the other hand, some people have vacation relationships that are intense and romantic. The relationship ends when the vacation ends. This may be where your boyfriend is coming from. He may not be invested in working on a long distance relationship but, would see you again if you came back into town. This is why he told you he will not call you everyday and why he does not tell you “I want you, I miss you, etc.” You’re looking for encouragement from him to continue the relationship long distance and your guy is saying, "I not sure I want to put in the effort."

So no, you don’t have to continue talking or seeing this guy if he is not giving you what you want. However, before you decide to walk away, talk to him. Tell him that you had a wonderful time when you were together and you’re interested in keeping the relationship going until the next time you see each other. Then ask him what he wants. If wants the same thing that you do, then together talk about ways that you can maintain the relationship while living apart from each other. Should he not want to put in the effort, to maintain a long distance relationship, then you can choose to walk away.

~~Lori