Learning About the Indian Culture

If your partner is Indian, it is important to spend sometime learning about the Indian culture. Let this question to our dating coach help you in your quest.

Advice on Learning about the Indian Culture

Reader Question

Hello, I wish to remain anonymous, but I would like to tell you how much I love your advice! I have on question to ask of you. I had just read your Indian Dating article, and I was wondering if these traditions are still held with Indians who are living in America. I am currently in a relationship with an Indian and so far it has been kept secret. The person is looking to tell the parents about it soon, but I am not sure if I want them to know just because of the things that I do know of Indian culture. What would you recommend? Please help me. Thank you.

-- Contributed by: Anonymous

Expert Reply

Dear Anonymous,

I am glad that you have found previous responses helpful. Thanks for the feedback! Some people of Indian descent living in America continue to practice their traditions and customs as they would in India. For some, the traditions and customs are modified or less rigorous in practice. To put this in perspective, think of Americans and their religious practices: every family is different.

When I was in graduate school, one of my professors had her students visit an unfamiliar culture (at a church, group meeting, etc.). The purpose of the exercise was not so much to learn about the other culture as to learn about our own feelings, thoughts and behaviors when in an unfamiliar setting and with an unfamiliar culture. It was an eye opening experience. We learned that our own fears made us feel uncomfortable, not the culture. People couldn’t have been nicer, but our fears kept us from knowing that until we attended their activity.

Your partner kept the relationship a secret and is now considering letting the family know of the relationship. Given your limited knowledge and exposure to the Indian culture, expect that you would have some uneasiness. Add to that the fact that you would be meeting the family for the first time while your partner informs them of your relationship, and it would be natural that your anxiety level would be at an all time high. I would like you to consider this; all parents love their children and want them to be happy. This blessing will be no different for your partner.

I would suggest that you and your partner rent Indian movies. Use the movies to discuss and compare the customs, traditions and reactions of the characters to your partner’s parents and family members. Ask how you should handle or respond under similar circumstances. A new movie I would recommend watching is The Namesake. While the movie’s storylines may not mirror your own experience, it can open a discussion that will help you understand your partner’s family and give you insight on their possible response to learning about the relationship as well as how you can respond.

I think if you meet the family with the mindset that both they and you love your partner, you’ll see that you already have one thing in common with them.

~~Lori

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