Intimate Questions to Ask Your Partner

Crystal Schwanke
Couple in conversation

When people hear the word intimate, they often think that it only relates to bedroom conversation, but intimate questions can cover a much wider spectrum. They can concern anything from your childhood dreams to how your partner pictures your future together. Personalize these, so they relate more to your partner and your relationship.

General Attraction Questions

There are some things that you just want to know even though they can't be confined to a single category. These are the things about preferences, how you talk about one another to others, and maybe even a wish or two thrown into the mix.

  1. What is the first thing you noticed about me?
  2. What role does physical attraction play in whether or not you pursue a relationship?
  3. What type of scent do you like on a woman?
  4. Would you say you have a "type"? Do I fit what you thought you were looking for?
  5. How do you describe me to other people?
  6. How do you think I should describe you to other people?
  7. What could I do for you that I don't do now?
  8. What is the first thing you think when you see me?
  9. What qualities make me special to you?
  10. Do you look at other men (women)?
  11. If you could have three wishes from me, what would they be?
  12. What goals do you have for us?
  13. What was the first thing you thought when you met me?
  14. How would you respond if my appearance drastically changed, either overnight (new haircut and different hair color, for example) or over time (more/less muscle, weight gain/loss)?
  15. What is something you think is true about me, but you've never asked to confirm?
  16. How big of a deal are special occasions for you?

Questions About the Past

Before you can move forward with your partner, you may be the type who wants to know about his or her past. If you're planning to be intimate or stay together for a long time (maybe even get married), you should feel comfortable asking anything you feel you should know, or whatever you're curious about. Remember, asking these questions will open the gate to your past, as well.

  1. Have you ever cheated on a partner? If not, have you considered it but changed your mind?
  2. How many past partners have you had?
  3. Did you debate whether or not to ask me out? Why would you have chosen not to?
  4. What were you thinking on our first date?
  5. Have you ever been in love before me?
  6. Who is your role model in life? Who is your role model in love?
  7. What did it feel like when you realized you were in love with me?
  8. Do you think we were so destined to be together, that if we hadn't decided to date when we did and lost touch, we'd run into each other again?
  9. What were you looking for when you found me? Were you looking for love at all?

Questions About the Future

intimate chat over coffee

Want to know if you and your lover are compatible long-term? Ask the hard questions about where things are going. Go as far into the future as you feel like you should, but keep the current length of your relationship in mind and the plans you've already discussed before you ask about things like financial planning for retirement, or you may give the wrong impression.

  1. Where do you see this relationship headed in the next year? What about the next five years?
  2. What is your opinion on marriage and children?
  3. Would you stay with me if you found out I was unable to bear children?
  4. What are your occupational goals and how could they affect our relationship?
  5. Where do you see yourself living when you retire?
  6. I want to be a good lover, and I want to be there for you. What can I do for you to be that woman or man?
  7. How do you imagine a day in the life of us, married with kids? What about a week in the life?
  8. What are your thoughts on having our elderly parents live with us if they can't live on their own one day?
  9. How do you plan to save for retirement? What are your goals?

Questions About Love

People express love in so many different ways; it's important to get a good understanding of what will speak to your partner's heart. You also probably have questions about their thoughts and feelings (past and present) on love.

  1. What can I do to show you how much I love you?
  2. Do you believe in soul mates? What about love at first sight?
  3. Have you ever been hurt in the past and questioned the possibility of love?
    couple on couch
  4. When did you realize you were in love with me?
  5. Do you see our love lasting? Do you ever have any doubts?
  6. If you had to choose, would you rather receive a gift or have someone do something nice or helpful for you?
  7. Do you like sentimental gifts or do you always want a gift to have a practical purpose and be something you need?
  8. How do you think you best express love?
  9. What types of compliments do you like to hear?

Questions About Intimacy

Intimacy is an important part of any serious relationship. It's not all about what goes on in the bedroom. Of course, that may play a role in your relationship, but there are things you can do outside of the bedroom or nights you can plan based on your significant other's fantasies. Don't be shy. If you want to know something, just ask.

  1. Is our relationship physical enough for you? What would make it better in your eyes?
  2. How and where do you like to be touched?
  3. Do you have any fantasies you would like fulfilled?
  4. What are your thoughts on toys?
  5. Is there anything we haven't tried that you'd like to?
  6. Ideally (and a bit realistically, too), how often would you like for us to be intimate?
  7. What are some things I can do outside of the bedroom to keep the feelings of intimacy going all day?

Choose What You Want to Know

Note when you pose an intimate question for your partner, you need to be open to listening. You may get an answer you are surprised by or you don't want to hear. Even so, it's important not to judge your partner or get angry. If you find yourself upset or surprised, take a moment to digest what your partner has told you before responding. Remember, there are no perfect people in the world, and the two of you are not going to agree on everything. However, you need to stay focused on what you want in the relationship and determine if you are both on the same page. Open communication is often the key to lasting love. Keep in mind your partner may want to ask you intimate questions in return, so be ready to answer them. Relationships are give-and-take, after all.

Intimate Questions to Ask Your Partner