I'm Ready for Romance

romantic shadow

Are you finally telling yourself "I'm ready for romance." These readers didn't know, but they were feeling the same way. Check out these responses from our dating coach.

I'm Ready for Romance with an Old Flame

Reader Question

Ok, so I need your help... My problem is that I can't get this guy out of my head and I have no clue why. All through high school, this kid had a crush on me; he was like my shadow. But for whatever reason, because I was so shy, a lot younger then most of my peers, or just because I was a tomboy, I wasn't really into guys during HS. Not like gay, just not into boys. Two years later, I still think about him almost everyday. We never went out, and were never even close, not to mention the fact that we haven't spoken for a year (I wanted it that way... don't ask). So now I'm going crazy, why do I think about him so much? I don't think I'm in love with him, but I've never been in love with anybody so I have nothing to go off of. Is it just because I feel guilty? Because I have been looking for something serious? Or am I really in love with him and just too stubborn/ inexperienced to realize it?-- Contributed by: lizzy18

Expert Reply

Dear Lizzy 18,

Congratulations. Your interest in guys and your readiness for a relationship match. When you were in high school, you may have noticed guys, but you weren't interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Two years later, your mind and body are now ready. So what accounts for the constant thinking about the guy from high school? It is the way your mind is telling you that you're ready for romance. Your mind is guiding you by framing what attraction looks like. Now that you have the frame of reference, when you realize that a guy is interested in you, you can then tune into yourself and see what level of interest you have. If it's a match, move forward.

If you want to see if the level of interest between you and the guy from high school is still there, look him up. It may be that your memory of him is different then the reality or you just might find that you have started a new relationship with an old flame.

~~Lori

Wanting to Rekindle an Old Flame

Reader Question

Dear Lori, H and I were casual friends for along time. But a year ago, H showed me that he cared for me a lot more than friends. We hung out and become closer "friends" for 4 or 5 months. I just got over another relationship and wasn't ready for anything else. H never crossed the line, or flirted or anything back. Meanwhile, H told me that he liked me, and asked me if I liked him. I was quiet, and didn't say anything or tried to avoid it. H kept on caring and making time for me. H asked me another time the same question but again I couldn't tell him that I liked him cause I was scared of committing again. For some reason, gradually, we became less and less close. H doesn't seem to go after me anymore. But, we still remains friends and keep in touch frequently. H doesn't know that I've already gradually fallen for him. H is still nice to me, and he calls to check up on me or ask me out for a casual drink sometimes (we don't talk and hangout as often like back then anymore). Seems like now there is nothing significant about our friendship. Should I tell H now about the change in how I feel?? Is it too late?-- Contributed by: tkay

Expert Reply

Dear tkay,

I suspect that during the time you and H were hanging out and becoming close friends, you were not ready for a romantic relationship with him or anyone. Having just ended a relationship yourself, it is a reasonable assumption that the reason you and H eventually grew less and less close, is that he was aware of his interest in you and your lack of interest in developing a more intimate relationship with him. Sensing your ambivalence, H did not want to lose your friendship and therefore settled to be and remain "just friends."

Now that much time has past, you are ready for romance once again. It is natural that you would consider a partner who has shown you respect, caring and kindness. As to whether H is still interested in pursuing a deeper relationship with you beyond that of friendship is unknown. The only way to find out his willingness is for you to be brave enough to inquire.

To gage his level of interest, during your next phone call or meet for drinks, steer the conversation to how much you appreciated his kindness during the time in your friendship when you had just ended a romantic relationship. Explain to him all the reasons you valued him and leaned on him. Thank him for his loyalty, compassion, and understanding during this very difficult time in your life. Listen to his response to your appreciation. Does he give any indication that during that time he was interested in you more than just as a friend? Whether he does or does not, tell him of your suspicion and see how he responds. This information will help to guide you as to when it's time to share with him your current interest and desire to pursue a romantic relationship with him.

To find romance, one needs to be willing to risk. The rewards of romance far outweigh any risk.

~~Lori

I'm Ready for Romance