How to Spot a Cheater

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Wondering how to spot a cheater? Let our dating coach give you insight!

Advice on How to Spot a Cheater

Reader Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. He had met someone before me and said they were just friends. That was at the beginning of our relationship. I now find out that she believes them to be in a relationship and she does not know about me. He is waiting to ask me to marry him---I love him and want to be with him but how do I know what really happened and if something did it is over? Is a cheater always a cheater? He said he would do anything not to lose me and he has shown signs that he is serious...but a part of me thinks when I am not around he is talking to her again or someone else! Please help!

~~Lizzie

Expert Reply

Dear Lizzie,

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. However, in your case, the best predictor of your boyfriend’s AND your future behavior is the current behaviors of each of you.

Here’s what he’s doing:

He is with two women
He has let the other woman believe that he is committed to only her
His words (“I want to marry you.”) and his behavior (“But I want to continue my relationship with another woman.”) don’t match.

Here’s what you’ve chosen to do:

Ignore his behavior
Hope his indiscretions go away and that in the end he’ll chose you over the other woman

Part of being in a relationship with someone who cheats is that you will never know about other relationships the cheater is involved with until you discover them. Which is why in order for a cheater to be successful at cheating, he needs to be in a relationship with an ostrich (someone who is willing to bury her head in the sand).

My advice to you is to trust that part of you that thinks, “When I am not around he is talking to her again or someone else” and don’t walk away from this relationship… RUN!

~~Lori

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