How to Romance a Man

Are you looking for tips on how to romance a man? Read expert advice from Tina B. Tessina, PhD, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, on how men want to be romanced.

Tina B. Tessina, PhD

Tina B. Tessina, PhD is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Southern California. She has 30 years experience counseling individuals and couples to help them find and maintain romance in their life. She is also an author of 13 books on dating and marriage.

Absolutely not! Most men like to be in charge. All of them like to know women are interested, but then they want to set the pace of the relationship.

All men are different. You have to figure out what gets his attention, and what turns him on. There are certain cues that let him know you are interested and will get his attention:

• Looking into his eyes
• Finding little ways to touch him “accidentally”
• Being very interested in whatever he’s doing or saying

The importance of romancing a man depends on who he is to you.

• If he’s your husband, it’s very important to romance him from time to time, to keep passion alive in a long-term relationship.
• If he’s some guy at the office, that you have your eye on, you need a way to let him know that you want more than a business relationship.
• If he’s a long-time friend, or ex of your friend, romancing him will let him know you’re not just a pal.

That’s often the case. You have to find a common ground that works with each other. Being invited to a chick flick, or going shopping for clothes probably won’t romance him. Those are things he’ll be willing to do with you after he is committed, because he loves you.

If you want to get him interested, you need to figure out where you two can agree on liking something. If you do something with him that you absolutely hate, you won’t be any fun, and you’ll turn him off. If you invite him to something he hates, he may not go in the first place, and if he does, and is bored, that’s a turnoff. If there’s no common ground, there is probably no real relationship possibility.

• Make him feel good when he’s around you.

Be fun to be with and tease him a little. However, don’t hang all over him, don’t act like an overeager puppy. He wants to know he won’t be rejected, but he also wants to work a bit to achieve his goal.

• Show interest and then step back.

If you really want to have a relationship with this man, show interest, then hold back a little. He’s easier to catch if he’s not wary of you. You can invite him to do something – men like to be useful, so it’s good to ask him to help you solve a computer problem, advise you on investments (you don’t have to take the advice) or help you pick out a new tech gadget. If he does help, you can offer to take him to lunch or cook him dinner (if you cook) to thank him. However, it’s important to know that once you’ve made that connection, you have to back off. He needs to make the next move. Backing off and playing the waiting game is the hardest part, but if you don’t do it, he won’t know he wants to be with you.

• Show him you can have a good time.

Invite him over to watch sports, election returns, a movie, or a space launch on your flat screen TV, with some other friends. His guard will be down, and seeing you having a good time with your friends will be very attractive.

• Ask him to help you with something.

Invite him to test drive your new car, or help you download tunes on your Ipod. Gadgets fascinate most men, and it’s a good opportunity to get to know each other. If he likes guns, ask him to teach you to shoot, or do target practice.

• Ask for lessons on something he enjoys.

Ask him to teach you chess or an online video game.

• Learn and indulge in his interests.

If you see him reading a book, magazine, online news source or newspaper, read it yourself, and then discuss it with him. If he’s political, get informed about whatever interests him.

• Ask him to show you around someplace he enjoys.

Find a venue where he’s comfortable and happy, and ask him to show you something about that pursuit.

• Keep conversation light.

While you’re together, keep the conversation light, find out as much as you can about what he likes without interrogating him. If he mentions doing something or going somewhere interesting, say “Oh, I’ve always wanted to do that.” Which is non-committal, doesn’t beg for an invite, but plants the idea in his mind that it might be fun to go with you.

• Touch him.

Touch him if you get a chance. For example, if you ask him to teach you golf or tennis, ask him to show you how to hold the club or the racket, and linger in the touching position. Smell good, but don’t overdo the perfume. Your clean body scent will turn him on, if he gets close enough to smell it. Listen carefully to what he says, and feed it back to him “OK, you said hold it like this, and follow through on the swing. Like this?” Ask interested questions “What will happen if I do it this way?” “Can I use it like this?”

• Don't be a drag!

If you go camping, climbing, fishing, hunting etc. with your guy, don’t be too timid about it. If you’re a drag that’s all he’ll remember. Don’t put yourself in danger, ask for his help, but don’t whine.

• Couples should work or learn something together.

If you’re in a relationship, but want to turn up the heat a little, try learning something together. Working together compatibly to accomplish something is very endearing.

• Dance around him.

If you’ve made him dinner, or after the game on TV is over and your friends have gone home; ask him to help clean up and put on some slow dance music while you’re doing it. Dance around him a bit while you’re walking back and forth tidying up. Most men will respond, and if you wind up slow dancing in the kitchen, that’s very sexy and romantic for him, too. If you can then say “good night” without having sex, he’ll be really intrigued, and looking for a way to come over again.

• Flirt!

Flirting is the art of letting him know you’re interested in him in subtle ways, but not being too obvious.

If he likes it, he’ll be back for more. If you have tempted him and teased him a little, and he resonates to your energy and presence, he’ll be all over it. He’ll be offering to help you with other things, go on another outing, get together again. Just keep the tease going, hold back a little, because if you become too easy to be around, you’ll lose value in his eyes. In 27 years of a great marriage, I’ve found it’s very helpful to be just a little hard to get from time to time. It keeps the relationship exciting and fun.

For more tips on how to romance a man, read these articles:

• Quick Romantic Ideas for Couples

• Romantic Ideas for Boyfriend

• Romantic Gifts for Men Slideshow

• Ways to Say I Love You
• Romantic Gifts for Guys
• Boyfriend Gift Guide
• How Do You Know He Is Falling For You
• Love Romance Compatibility Tests

• Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
• Sweet Things To Say To Your Boyfriend
• Craigslist.com Personals
• Free Local Chat Rooms
• Free Anime Dating Sim Game

• Romantic Gift Ideas for a Man
• Romance Signs of Attraction
• Reading a Man's Body Language
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