How to Fix a Long Term Relationship

Heather Long
Asian couple

The key to enjoying a successful, enduring relationship is regular maintenance. Like your garden or your car, you have to nurture the relationship and never take it for granted.

Keys to Fixing Committed Relationships

All committed and intimate relationships have their difficulties. Relationships are organic. They require two people to be involved and committed. Relationships are affected by the couple's individuality as well as a multitude of others who are connected to the couple.

Step One

Accept that what happens to your partner will affect you just as what happens to you will affect your partner. Understanding this is the first step towards fixing issues in a relationship.

Step Two

The second step in fixing a long-term relationship is preventative maintenance. The cliché that states an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure applies to relationships. As a couple, you must commit to a series of rules that apply to both of you not only to build trust, but also to foster open and healthy communication whether you are chatting or arguing.

Some rules to consider are:

  • Accept that you will not always agree.
  • Always be willing to hear your partner's point of view.
  • Never allow name-calling no matter how frustrated or angry you are.
  • Your friends do not come before your partner.
  • You need time together.
  • Never take your partner for granted.
  • Always assume good intentions.
  • Be surprising.

Communication Tips

Communication is your key to learning how to fix relationships. Open and accepting communication should be your goal, but think about the rules listed above. The majority are associated with communication. Primarily, never call your partner names. It is the fastest way to slam the door on hearing what your partner has to say. Name-calling is a childish behavior that indulges anger on a whim. It can also leave a lasting impression and make your partner resistant to those forms of discussion or confrontation again.If you are angry with your partner and trying to work through a problem, institute the five-second rule. Count to five before you say any words you are thinking. This not only helps you avoid name-calling, but also lets you put your thoughts in clear, concise terms and avoids using words as weapons. Remember no matter how sorry you are, words cannot be taken back.

Make Time for Each Other

It is very easy in a long-term relationship to take your partner's presence for granted. You should be careful to avoid this by planning time together. It is easy to plan to go many places as a couple and hang out with friends or family as a couple, but do not be afraid to just go somewhere together without family or friend commitments. It is healthy to remember that the two of you enjoy doing things together.

Too much time spent away from casual intimacy can actually lead to bad habits such as:

  • Seeing movies with friends rather than your partner
  • Making weekend plans without your partner
  • Leisure time spent away from your partner
  • Loss of intimacy with your partner

That last may seem extreme, but the more time you and your partner spend doing things without each other, the more likely you are to become more like roommates or time friends than you are a couple. Make the time for each other whether it's a date night once a week or shutting off everything work related or friend related after a nine each night and focusing only on each other.

Think about how you were in the early days of your relationship, when you couldn't get enough of each other. It is good to remember that the two of you know how to have fun together and to spend time doing that rather than letting your lives pull you apart.

Make Your Relationship Your Priority

Sit down and make a list of the top ten things that you feel are wrong with your relationship. Ask your partner to do the same. Then together rip up those lists and make a top ten list of how each of you can repair the problems in your relationship. Make your relationship your priority as a couple. You have too much time, emotion and energy invested in each other to not make it the number one priority for both of you.

How to Fix a Long Term Relationship