How to Deal With a Breakup

From LoveToKnow Dating

When a relationship is fresh, you may never think about how to deal with a break up, but unfortunately, most of us will have to face that question at least once in our lives.

Typical Reaction

The typical response to how to deal with a break up varies with each individual, depending on who broke up with whom and for what reasons. Some common adverse reactions are:

Enter into a state of depression and withdraw from social interaction
Anger and possibly destructive behavior, such as destroying your ex's belongs
Turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain
Villanize the ex

While these are valid reactions to a painful situation, there are better, more productive ways to deal with the loss of a love.

How to Deal with a Break Up with Style

If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you likely share some of the same friends and will see each other again, either socially or casually as you shop in the same stores and attend the same parties. If you have children, you still have to interact for the sake of the kids. It is therefore better to leave the relationship with as much goodwill as you can muster.

You Initiate the Break Up

Take the time to explain calmly to your partner why the relationship must end.
Avoid placing blame.
Avoid pulling your friends into the middle, especially if they are friends you share as a couple. Doing so may mean you lose more than just your partner. You may lose your friends as well because they don't want to pick sides.
Understand your partner may be angry or hurt and give him or her time to work through his or her feelings. Many things may be said in the heat of the moment, so keep your cool.

Your Partner Initiates the Split

Understand that it is normal to be hurt or angry. It is how you handle that pain and anger that matters.
Allow yourself time to grieve the loss, but do not let it consume you.
Turn to friends and family for support. If you feel you need more, don't be afraid to consult with a therapist. Sometimes, an impartial third party can provide you with the insight you really need to overcome a truly trying event.
Avoid jumping into a new relationship until you've had a time to recover.
Try to remember the good times. It is easy to let a failed relationship validate feelings of inadequacy. Remember why you were attracted to this person initially and don't obsess on the bad times.
Look at change as your friend. Take this time to reevaluate your life and surroundings. Is it time redecorate or move? Maybe a different hair color or new exercise program will help lift your spirits. Whatever you do, look at it as a move in the right direction.
Avoid letting a bad relationship sour you on the whole gender. Remember that people are individuals, prone to different weakness and peculiarities. Just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean the next one won't be golden.

Children

When you share children with a partner, breaking up becomes even more complicated. Do not assume even the youngest child does not know what is going on or won't be affected by a break up. Take the time to explain to your children what is happening and that it is not their fault. Provide them with as much security reassurance during this time change as you can.

Breaking Up Is Hard

Cutting the strings between you and someone you've cared about is never an easy endeavor, even if it is necessary. Sometimes the best you can hope for is to face it like an adult and come through it as a stronger person. Moreover, there is no one best answer as to how to deal with a break up. Everyone must find her own path, but do it with dignity and a positive eye toward the future.

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