How do You Talk to Your Ex Boyfriend
From LoveToKnow Dating
How do you talk to your ex boyfriend? If your goal is to win him back, you’ll need to be careful and intentional about how you communicate with him. Even if you don’t want to date him again, relationship communication skills are still useful to remain friends after a breakup.
What to Talk About
You want to focus on talking about anything other than why you broke up. Assuming you’ve already had that conversation of course. Even if you haven’t, chances are you both know why you split, and dwelling on the negative past is not the way to win him back.
Instead, talk about anything else. If you’re in school together, talk about classes. If you both work, talk about how the job is going. Talk about the weather if you’re desperate for a subject.
You might also talk about some of the good times you used to have together. Relive those good memories by sharing your old stories with each other. There is a reason the two of you started dating, and remembering those good times will help to rekindle the relationship.
What Not to Talk About
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Don’t talk about why you broke up. Certainly don’t try and blame him for his mistakes, even if it was his fault. You also don’t need to keep apologizing for any mistakes you made. How do you talk to your ex boyfriend? By leaving the painful history in the past where it belongs.
While you may be able to avoid bringing up the past, it may be harder to avoid seeming desperate. You may really want him back, more than he could ever understand. Telling him this, through words or by your actions, is not going to win your boyfriend back.
A breakup is very much a starting over point, even though you are more familiar with each other than before you started dating. You probably didn’t win his affection the first time by seeming desperate, and you certainly won’t win him a second time with that behavior, either.
How do You Talk to Your ex Boyfriend on the Phone
One of the best demonstrations of how the phone is misused in dating is a scene in the movie The Swingers. In a desperate attempt to get his girlfriend back, one of the lead characters leaves message after message. What starts as comedy quickly turns to tragedy as you beg the character to have some self-respect and stop calling.
Even if you don’t leave tons of messages, you can still abuse the phone. Don’t call him without a reason. If you call and ask what he is thinking about, he will be thinking about how he never wants to get back together with you. Try calling when you have a legitimate question, to tell him about good news or to congratulate him on a job well done.
Talking on the Phone
It is most likely that you will talk on the phone at some point after breaking up. Remain positive throughout the call; think of it like a job interview. If you attempt to manipulate his feelings by crying or sounding depressed, your tactics will only turn him off. Some additional tips include:
- Don’t send text messages. Until you are a couple again, don’t text him. You need thoughtful communication with each in order to get back together.
- Leave one voice mail message only. Even though you may really want to call him back, you’ll come across as desperate if you keep calling and leaving messages.
Internet Communication
Treat email the same as the phone. Only email him when you have something substantial to discuss. Also, don’t send him another message until he responds to your first email. Allow him the opportunity to pursue you again.
Talking in Person
Hopefully the phone calls and e-mails will result in an eventual face-to-face meeting, assuming you aren’t normally around each other. Treat this meeting like a first date. Dress up nice, be friendly and try to have a little fun. After all, if you don’t enjoy being around him anymore, what’s the point of getting back together?
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Comments
Hi Stacia,
It sounds as though you are craving more from this relationship than what he is giving you. You need to discuss your feelings with him. You need to find out where he stands so you know if this relationship is going to last.
-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardymy ex and i dated for about a year. after 6 months he broke up with me for his x who was his dream girl but realized he didnt love her. he came to me and said i think ur the one.. its not fair for me to be with someone and think of someone else(me). we were together ever since after that till about 6 months later we broke up cuz we argue over the stupidest stuff. we wouldnt talk and we would pass each other all the time and when i stopped answering his texts/phone calls he coudnt talk it and when he asked me to stop by one day i did.. i dont know y i did.. the passion he gave to me was amazing.. he goes idk if this will bring us back together but i want it to and i hope it does. o and after about 3 months in our relationship i moved in with him at hi grandparents. we have inseperable and now just in the end of may he moved down to orlando (im still in missouri) and he tells his friends we r together but between him and i he says we r not.. i dont understand y he calls me almost everyday when he is over 1000 miles away. y hasnt he asked me to come down there with him. none of it makes any sense and i miss him soo bad and its so terribly hard. he moved to orlando for school. then for christmas after only dating for just under a year he got me these princess cut beautiful gold diamond earrings.. when i was asleep i heard his friend ask him so what did u get her a ring? and he said no but i thought about it. he brought up that if we were together for about another 2 years he didnt see y we shouldnt get married. sometimes ill feel like he never wants to talk on the phone. sometimes i feel like its not near as hard for him as it is for me.. idk what to do how to handle things.. he moved down in may and ive been down to see him 3 times already and everytime we r inseperable.. maybe im just reading into things too much but im soo lost and so confused.. he means so much andi tell him but he doesnt respond back cuz i thing he doesnt know how but im not sure.. can u plz help me cuz none of my friends seem to be able to
-- Contributed by: staciaHi Taylor,
It sounds like he isn't interested in getting into a relationship with you, especially since you've tried to show your interest and he didn't reciprocate. You can't make someone love you or even like you. All you can do is have love for yourself and find someone who will love you easily. Also remember, the more desperate you act, the more unattractive you look. You've done what you needed to do to let him know you want to reconnect, now step back and see if he comes to you. If not, move on.
-- Contributed by: Marcelina Hardy
This page has been accessed 10,293 times. This page was last modified 21:48, 9 September 2008.
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