How do You Talk to Your Ex Boyfriend

How do you talk to your ex boyfriend? If your goal is to win him back, you’ll need to be careful and intentional about how you communicate with him. Even if you don’t want to date him again, relationship communication skills are still useful to remain friends after a breakup.

You want to focus on talking about anything other than why you broke up. Assuming you’ve already had that conversation of course. Even if you haven’t, chances are you both know why you split, and dwelling on the negative past is not the way to win him back.

Instead, talk about anything else. If you’re in school together, talk about classes. If you both work, talk about how the job is going. Talk about the weather if you’re desperate for a subject.

You might also talk about some of the good times you used to have together. Relive those good memories by sharing your old stories with each other. There is a reason the two of you started dating, and remembering those good times will help to rekindle the relationship.

Don’t talk about why you broke up. Certainly don’t try and blame him for his mistakes, even if it was his fault. You also don’t need to keep apologizing for any mistakes you made. How do you talk to your ex boyfriend? By leaving the painful history in the past where it belongs.

While you may be able to avoid bringing up the past, it may be harder to avoid seeming desperate. You may really want him back, more than he could ever understand. Telling him this, through words or by your actions, is not going to win your boyfriend back.

A breakup is very much a starting over point, even though you are more familiar with each other than before you started dating. You probably didn’t win his affection the first time by seeming desperate, and you certainly won’t win him a second time with that behavior, either.

One of the best demonstrations of how the phone is misused in dating is a scene in the movie The Swingers. In a desperate attempt to get his girlfriend back, one of the lead characters leaves message after message. What starts as comedy quickly turns to tragedy as you beg the character to have some self-respect and stop calling.

Even if you don’t leave tons of messages, you can still abuse the phone. Don’t call him without a reason. If you call and ask what he is thinking about, he will be thinking about how he never wants to get back together with you. Try calling when you have a legitimate question, to tell him about good news or to congratulate him on a job well done.

It is most likely that you will talk on the phone at some point after breaking up. Remain positive throughout the call; think of it like a job interview. If you attempt to manipulate his feelings by crying or sounding depressed, your tactics will only turn him off. Some additional tips include:

• Don’t send text messages. Until you are a couple again, don’t text him. You need thoughtful communication with each in order to get back together.
• Leave one voice mail message only. Even though you may really want to call him back, you’ll come across as desperate if you keep calling and leaving messages.

Treat email the same as the phone. Only email him when you have something substantial to discuss. Also, don’t send him another message until he responds to your first email. Allow him the opportunity to pursue you again.

Hopefully the phone calls and e-mails will result in an eventual face-to-face meeting, assuming you aren’t normally around each other. Treat this meeting like a first date. Dress up nice, be friendly and try to have a little fun. After all, if you don’t enjoy being around him anymore, what’s the point of getting back together?

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