How Do You Know When Someone Is Attracted to
You

How do you know when someone is attracted to you? The best way is to ask him or her! Let the responses to these readers from our dating coach help you.

I'm a little bit confused on the guy I'm seeing. We hang out every weekend and do things together. I stay at his house on weekends. I know he has dated a lot of other women and he always broke it off with them because they never had the same interests. We both grew up in the same small town so I know all the things he likes and most of them I like them too. At first, we got together and then he just up and quit talking to me. So I went on with my life and about four months ago he started coming around again and we have been together since. Everyone in our town refers to us as dating but I don't because I don't want to chase him off. Therefore, I say we are just friends. It would be real nice to actually know how he feels about me...he never talks about feelings or anything close to it. Therefore, I don't say anything either because of the fact I don't want to rush anything. The only thing that he has said that is even close to anything is that he said that life is too short to spend it alone. He comes to my house almost every morning to drink coffee before he goes to work; we talk about doing things together on the weekends and we do do things together all the time. Last week he came down to my job because I'm a bartender and another girl was hitting on him--I watched and yes I was mad--very mad too but I never said anything, and I did notice that he chased her off. I like him a lot, he's a sweetheart, nice polite. He just doesn't show any affection. I have NO idea how he feels about me. Therefore, what should I do or don't do.

-- Contributed by: chris

Dear Chris,

There’s a math truism that says, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. You may be wondering how this seemingly simple math question applies to you? The answer; the quickest way to find out how a guy you’re dating feels about you is to ask him. Math is simple. Dating is simple too, but we tend to make it more complex then it needs to be.

Case in point. You have no idea how the guy you’re dating feels about you and you want to know the answer to this very important question. However, you’re afraid to ask, because you’re afraid he will get freaked and leave again. Therefore, you keep the question to yourself and pretend it really doesn’t matter, even though it really does. What is wrong with this equation? Being afraid to talk about the important things is keeping you from being true to yourself and having the kind of relationship you want. Instead of developing an honest relationship with this guy, you’re trying to figure out what he likes and be that person.

Honesty starts with you. Be the great woman you are by being yourself with him. That sets the expectation for a relationship at a high level. By doing so you’re saying, “Here I am. What you see is what you get!” Not all guys are going to like you. Just like you‘re not going to like all guys. This is part of the screening process. Figure out what is important to you in a relationship and go after what you want. If honestly and affection are important, then don’t settle for being in a relationship where those things don’t exist.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Asking this guy how he views your relationship is taking a big risk. By asking you may find that he likes you as much as you like him and how great would that be? On the other hand, you might find that he likes hanging out with you as a good friend. Either way, you’ll know the answer to your question and you can decide if he truly is the right guy for you.

~~Lori

How do you know if a boy likes you? I have liked this guy for about a year and have recently told him. He said he likes me too but he is not ready for another relationship, because he broke up about 2 days before with someone else. So I understood but when school started he asked me out and I said no. He then asked out a other girl Candice and she said yes. However, about two days later I find out that he doesn’t like Candice, he likes me. I’ve been trying to tell him but I don’t know when we are going to be alone again. If he still likes me, when should I tell him I like him?

-- Contributed by: ryan

Dear Ryan,

Your question reminds me of the time I attended this training. I don’t remember the training but I won’t forget the lesson. At the start of the training, the instructor asked for a volunteer. In the beginning, no one raised a hand. With a little coaxing from the instructor, finally someone did. The instructor brought the volunteer up to the front of the class, asked an easy question, and gave the volunteer a gift. Then the instructor asked for another volunteer. This time a few hands went up almost immediately. Again, he brought the volunteer up to the front of the class, asked an easy question, and gave the volunteer a gift.

Even before the instructor could ask for a third volunteer, hands were waving in the air. The instructor said, “I am glad you now get the idea, but I have no gifts to offer you and here is why. Most of the time in life, you will get only one chance to make a great impression. Rarely will you get a second chance to make a good impression. I can tell you that if you haven’t made a good impression by then, you can forget having a third chance.”

You tell the guy you are interested in that you like him and he tells you he feels the same. It takes a while, but knowing how you feel about him, he asks you out. Here is your first chance with him and instead of saying yes, you tell him no. Now he is with another girl. You find out he still likes you but the timing is off again. Keep in mind that you may only get one more (your second) chance to be with him. Are you ready? You can wait until he ends his relationship with Candice and then make your move or you can choose not to wait for him to make the move. You can tell him how you feel by asking if you can talk to him alone or you can send him an email. The way you tell him doesn’t matter. What matters is the timing. Should he ask you out, don’t think about it. Just say yes!

~~Lori

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