Girl Losing Virginity

If you are a teenage girl, losing virginity is a big deal. Let our dating coach help you work through your feelings and fears.

Dear Lori, I am 15 years old and I’m very confused. I have been dating this guy for a month but we talked about dating way before we officially started to date. I recently lost my virginity to him. We didn’t use protection or anything. I have had many boyfriends but nothing this serious. I always told myself I was going to wait until marriage but that didn’t happen. I don’t know if I should tell my mother. I do not want her to be disappointed or make me stop seeing this boy. I like him more than I have ever liked anyone. We say we love each other but we’re so young I doubt it myself. I am semi-ashamed for losing IT. I am impatiently awaiting my period. I am an honor student and have a good future. Pregnancy is nothing new in my school. We are ranked as the 2nd highest city in the U.S. for our pregnancy rate. But I’m one of the "smart good girls". I don’t know what I would do if I did get pregnant. Also I don’t know if I need to see a gynecologist or what. I’m very scared and confused. Lori please help me ASAP!! I don’t know what to do.

-- Contributed by: Rae Ann

Dear Rae Ann,

The intense emotions you and your boyfriend are experiencing are universal for all people in love. Right now, you have excitement and intense feelings for your boyfriend. These feelings and bodily sensations are so intense at times that you think of little else. This is how you found yourself having sex without a condom. Now that you have had sex, you’re considering the consequences. Your mind has new intense thoughts, fear of pregnancy, fear of your mom’s reactions, and fear of a possible sexually transmitted disease.

Falling in love and having sex do not make you any less of an honor student or good person. Although you find yourself another statistic for girls in your area who also have had sex at a young age, this too doesn’t mean you’re like everyone else. You’re you! All the things that make you successful in life also make you unique. How you handle things from here will make a difference in choosing to be responsible or staying naive. I am going to recommend you talk with your mom regardless of whether you find yourself pregnant or not. On the negative, your mom will be disappointed. However, this is because she has her ideas of what she wants for you, and at times, those will clash with what you want for yourself. Being disappointed doesn’t mean she stops wanting the best for you, or that she won’t love you. Chances are that your mom loves you no matter what you do.

On the positive, telling your mom about having sex, means that she can talk to you about all the possible consequences and what to do next. She can also talk with you about protection and birth control, choose a gynecologist, and what it feels like to love. It also means that she can be there for you.

Sometimes the biggest lessons we learn in life are through the mistakes we make. Growing up is about getting wiser. Trust your love for your boyfriend and trust your mom.

~~Lori

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