Flirting with Someone Who's Married

Flirting with Someone Who's Married Advice

Reader Question

Lori, I am married and I have fallen for a married man. He flirted with me and when I came on to him, he rejected me. I have strong feelings for this man. What should I do?

-- Contributed by: Brianna L

Expert Reply

Dear Brianna,

Flirting is one of those safe activities married people can engage in with little risk of harm. The benefits of flirting include feeling attractive and the excitement of something new and unfamiliar. If used for this purpose, flirting can reinvigorate a marriage that has grown stale. However, if you are not careful, flirting can lead to an affair, which can hurt many people.

When you flirted with this married man, you felt the excitement of newness and perhaps a thrill of a forbidden relationship. However, when you crossed the line from flirting to suggesting having an affair, you took something that is fun and harmless and turned into something risky. For the married man you have been flirting with, you crossed the line when you came on to him.

I can’t tell you what to do, but I will recommend that you get into couples counseling with your husband. There is something missing in your marriage. This is why affairs are a symptom of problems within a marriage. However, affairs hurt innocent partners. With the help of a professional you can your husband can honestly discuss the problems in your marriage and determine if there is enough love and commitment to stay together and put in the necessary work to keep your marriage.

~~Lori