Expert Interview with Love Coach Robin Gorman Newman

Heather Long
Flirting techniques can be learned.
Flirting techniques can be learned.

Troubled by flirting signals of attraction? Worried you can't learn how to flirt? Wondering what is the right way to signal you're attracted to someone? You're not alone. Everyday people struggle with how to make that love connection not only with the person they are attracted to, but also with their spouses, significant others and loved ones. Love To Know Dating sat down with the love coach: Robin Gorman Newman for her tips, insights and expertise on flirting, finding love and making those all important connections.

About Flirting Signals of Attraction

The author of two books, Robin Gorman Newman hosts an online support group and provides one on one counseling sessions for individuals seeking to improve their love connections, learn how to flirt or just longing to make eye contact with the right person. She offers her expert insights, tips and lists of dos and don'ts to help you see, connect and send the right flirting signals of attraction.

How important is flirting to a relationship? Is it more important during the early days of a relationship? What about during marriage?

Flirting is a playful exchange. When you're trying to catch someone's eye, it's an important tool. During marriage, it can help keep things fun and romantic.

Can people learn to flirt or do they have to come at it naturally? Are there some simple tips people can remember when they are trying to flirt?

Yes, you can learn to flirt and it helps to practice. It is a skill. Some people are natural flirts, but you don't have to be to do it well. Some flirting Dos and Don'ts include:

Dos

  • Be a good listener -- silence can be sexy. Everyone wants to be heard.
  • Make direct eye contact - if they don't know you're looking at them, the flirting isn't working.
  • Smile and exhibit positive, open body language - you have to look approachable.
  • Pay a compliment, make someone laugh or ask a question - it's a great way to break the ice.
  • Have a prop - walk a cute dog, wear a t-shirt with as saying someone can comment on, etc.

These are great ways to attract attention and make starting a conversation easy and give you something to talk about.Don'ts

  • Don't get too touchy or get in someone's personal space - when flirting with a stranger, don't get in the person's face.
  • Know when the answer is no - don't be overly aggressive if someone isn't responding to your overture.
  • Don't overanalyze when trying to approach someone -- just go for it.
  • Don't force yourself to go out if you're in a bad mood - you'll give off a negative vibe, and that's not attractive.
  • Don't be afraid to laugh - people like to be around someone having fun.
  • Don't look around for other romantic prospects - focus on one person at a time.

Is Valentine's Day a good day to make a fresh love connection? Why or why not?

Valentine's Day is tricky because it can make you feel pressured. There is so much media hype, store hype, etc. and it's easy to feel like you should have a date. It's actually a great day to focus on self love. Do something for yourself that feels good.

Do you believe that people find love when they look for it or when they least expect it? How can a person improve their chances at finding love?

It can happen either way. The key is to "act" like you want to get married, not just "think" it. Acting like you want to get married means that you:

  • Are willing to take risks and break old patterns - you need to try new things
  • Accept Cloud Eight - most people look for cloud 9…but cloud 8 is nothing to sneeze at either
  • Live Fully - it enhances your appeal - you want to be happy with or without a mate
  • Socialize strategically - think about where you're choosing to socialize
  • Carry a business or personal card with you - so you're ready to seize the moment
  • Don't judge someone in the first 5 minutes - first impressions can be deceiving

You host a call in group for singles, how does that work?

It's a teleconference where people call in, and different dating/relationship topics are discussed.

You create personalized socialization calendars and programs for singles. What's a common fear that these people share? What piece of advice do you find yourself giving most often?

I create a Personalized Socializing Plan of Action for someone. Often the clients I coach feel that they are making a big effort to socialize, when the reality is, even if they're going out, they may not be talking to new people when they're there. You asked about flirting earlier, and people, for example, have to look open to making a connection.

Also, when you go out, don't surround yourself with friends. It makes it that much harder for someone interested to approach you. In my book, How to Marry a Mensch (decent person), I talk about the three Rights: Right Place, Right Time, and Right Attitude. These are very important. Right Place is going where you might find the opposite sex in numbers. Right Time is being in a positive place in your mind so that you're truly open to inviting Mr. or Ms. Right into your life. The Right Attitude believes that it can happen for you and projecting an upbeat outlook. It will make you that much more appealing to the opposite sex.

Is there someone for everyone?

I do believe that if people truly wants to find a mate, they will. But, first they have to know themselves. Knowing what is really important in their lives is crucial. What do they have to offer someone? What would make them happiest in the long run? Until you're clear about your own needs, inner desires, goals, etc., you won't be a good partner for someone else, and you won't necessarily make the best choice in a mate. You need to believe that you deserve someone who will respect and love you for the long run. A mensch is a decent, responsible person, and everyone deserves one, and then some.


Love To Know Dating would like to thank Robin Gorman Newman for taking the time to talk to us and we wish her good luck in all her future endeavors.

Expert Interview with Love Coach Robin Gorman Newman