First Date Conversations

First Date Conversations Tips

Reader Question

Hey Lori,

I have been talking and seeing this girl for about 2 or 3 days and I'm wondering what can I do to stay relaxed because I’m feeling too over-pressured and nervous when I’m talking to her? And I’m also wondering what is the top 5 best ideas for a first date? So please advise. Thank you and have a great day.

-- Contributed by: Henry

Expert Reply

Dear Henry,

You know, it’s a good sign when you feel excitement and nervous talking with this girl. Being nervous means you are very interested in her. As you get to know her, these feelings won’t last. For future reference, there will be times when you are interested in a new girl and you don’t feel nervous. This will be a sign that she’s just an ‘OK’ and you’ll long for the girl who’ll send you into a tail spin.

In the meantime, when you feel nervous in this girl’s presence, acknowledge the feeling. Say, “I’m feeling nervous, anxious and excited. This is good because it is my body’s way of letting my brain know to pay attention; this girl is special and worth getting to know.” Also, remember to breathe deeply from your belly. This little trick may sound simple, but when you’re nervous you tend to do shallow breathing from your chest. Shallow breathing increases the intensity of your feeling. Deep breathing relaxes your body so you can think clearly.

What you do for a date is not nearly as important as how you act on a date. Typically a woman feels a date is great if she has laughed, been treated like she was the only female for miles and if her date uses his manners and treats her like a lady. Now you might think all this sounds old fashioned, but I hear from woman all the time and these behaviors are always on their wish list. The guy who does these things i.e., made her laugh, looked her in the eyes and opened doors for her, almost always wins the girl.

For activities, I recommend ‘doing’ something. For example, you could try bowling, golf, going to a concert, a sports game or tour. Tours are great way to see the behind the scenes of your local fare. Before you plan a tour, find out what your date likes or has done. Some fun tours can include; the theater/stage, sports facilities, haunted houses or a manufacturing company. Check with your local Visitor Center for ideas and suggestions.

The reason for planning a date that includes an activity is it gets both of you participating and afterwards you’ll have something to talk about and memories to share. Combine your activity with my other suggestions and you're sure to have a top date.

~~Lori