Financial Infidelity
From LoveToKnow Dating
According to Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, financial infidelity is just as damaging to a relationship as having an affair. For many couples, struggles over money are at the root of all their relationship problems. With the release of Financial Infidelity, Dr. Bonnie addresses this issue and gives couples practical, step-by-step instructions on how to overcome financial problems.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D.
Dr. Bonnie is a distinguished relationship therapist with a private practice in New York City. New York Magazine named her as one of the city’s top therapists. She has written several books, including her newest book Financial Infidelity. Dr. Bonnie appears frequently in the media. She has appeared on the Today show, Oprah and The View, and has been interviewed in such publications as the New York Times, USA Today, Cosmopolitan and Time Magazine.
Interview with Dr. Bonnie about Financial Infidelity
What is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity is any time you spend or hide money or money purchases without telling your partner. This lying or sneaking is not the worst of the problem. The deceit is what destroys intimacy and trust. It is a form of cheating so subtle you do not even know you are doing it. There is no such thing as an innocent financial fib.
Is financial infidelity as damaging to a relationship as having an affair?
It is just as damaging as an affair. In fact, this leads to infidelity due to the deceit, mistrust and intimacy blocker. Once you get away with it – with financial infidelity – then you move to infidelity for the “thrill seeking” and endorphin and “dopamine high.”
What are some reasons why people commit financial infidelity?
Two common reasons are:
- An emptiness inside them from childhood, and emptiness inside them from their present relationship that feeds off old childhood wounds to fill the black hole
- A way to “revenge” this partner get back at them (money mistress) “pissed off purchase” to retaliate for not being available or rejecting the person
Is there any way of determining during the first few dates whether two people are likely to be financial compatible?
Yes, you can. Ask money-intelligent questions relating to lifestyle, vacations, etc., to see if people have a respect for money. Also, can you have fun with money to use for play as well? Ask questions about how money has been used in their family: worries, abandonment, shame and blame around money.
At what stage in a relationship should couples begin to talk about finances?
Finances should be talked about from the first date, in the early stages of the relationship – for assessing as talked about in the question above. This will eliminate any problems or irreconcilable differences, and is a way to see who is flexible and who is not, in reference to money and power, and struggles over money.
Are there steps a couple can take to overcome financial infidelity together?
Yes, the steps are to be up front about how you and your partner are dealing with money without shame and blame or judgment. Do a budget. If you are a spender, you will see how different it is to pay your bills. Give yourself a reward – not money – if you follow this. Spend time at home re-prioritizing, which costs nothing. Have money talks weekly to minimize financial infidelity.
Conclusion
LoveToKnow would like to thank Dr. Bonnie for taking the time to do this interview. For more information about Dr. Bonnie, including information on how to schedule a phone consultation, please visit her Web site at doctorbonnie.com. If you are experience financial problems in your relationship, pick up a copy of Financial Infidelity today.
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