Fear of Commitment

From LoveToKnow Dating

Do you have a fear of commitment? Check out our dating coach's advice to this reader.

Dealing with a Fear of Commitment

Reader Question

Dear Lori, over the past few years, I have had incredible difficulty being able to commit to a relationship. In my last relationship, when it ended, I was very hurt, and decided that I could not date anyone for a long time. Three years later, I have moved on from the previous relationship. I am ready for a new one, but no matter who I date, I can't seem to want to stay with them. It's not as if I don't get dates either. I am asked out quite frequently, and some of the men I date I enjoy being with so much, that I keep going back. Realizing that it isn't going to work, I end it all over again. I have dated some great guys, and I enjoy the chase, but as soon as things get serious, I back out. I'm not sure what's wrong. I'm very much over my last relationship, and I am ready to be in another one. I just cannot seem to commit. What's wrong with me?

-- Contributed by: Anonymous

Expert Reply

Dear Anonymous,

What’s wrong is that you are emotionally unavailable. On the surface, you date and have fun, but you keep your heart protected as if it’s fragile. Hearts aren’t fragile, they’re strong and resilient which is why we can experience great love and overcome great heartbreak. Your question is a testament to the strength of the human heart. You experienced heartbreak and now you’re going to experience love again.

Being ready for a commitment doesn’t mean you walk away from terrific guys when they get serious. You can’t experience romance watching from the sidelines. You need to get off the bench and jump with both feet into the game. To do this takes some risk and a willingness to lead with your heart. One of the surest ways to experience love is to build trust with the other person. When you are dating someone you like or think is great, start slowly by telling him something about yourself that is a little private and a little revealing. Doing this may feel uncomfortable at first, but when you share something about yourself that not many people know, you open the door to building a deeper relationship. His reaction will tell you if he is supportive, encouraging and trustworthy. The more of this you get from a guy, the more you share, little by little. Soon, you are building a meaningful relationship with another person.

Opening your heart to another person is the surest way to fall in love. Moreover, falling in love is the surest way to find a committed relationship.

~~Lori

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