Does Online Dating Work

From LoveToKnow Dating

Are you wondering, "does online dating work?" Check out what our dating coach has to say to this reader.

Does Online Dating Work or Not?

Reader Question

Dear Lori, Please explain to me why online dating has so much controversy. Some people say online dating is the best thing in the world, while others say that the relationships don't last long and it may be dangerous. So should I believe people like Dr. Phil who say it is safe and easy, or should I listen to the authorities for my safety? Also how is it different from a chat line?

-- Contributed by: Anasara

Expert Reply

Dear Anasara,

For most of us, attraction begins as we spend time with someone and like what we see. This feeling strengthens as we get to know the person and like what we hear. When you meet someone and are talking to him in real time, there is a limit to the things he can mislead you about, things such as marital status, education, finances, everything you can’t see with your own eyes. The restriction of meeting potential partners in person is that there is a limit to the number you can meet at any given time.

This is not the case with online dating. First, because you are not meeting someone in real time, only through his profile, the opportunity for him to misrepresent himself is greater in the beginning. Here, a man can lie about his actual age, weight, height, etc. Moreover, you won’t know this until you meet him in real time. Still, with online dating, you can meet multiple men quickly and simultaneously. This numbers game causes some of the controversy and the reason for the misperception. Using math, I’ll demonstrate.

Let's say that you go out with your friends to a party. Upon eyeing the room of about twenty people, you determine that there are four attractive men. During the few hours of socializing, you are able to talk with three of the four guys. All three guys ask for your number and give you a call, but only with two of guys do you feel a connection and a desire to get to know better. Therefore, while the number of guys you were interested in was four, you were only able to meet three guys and only two were of interest to you. Your success rate was two out of four or 50 percent, not too bad.

Now let's compare online dating. First, you don’t have to ‘get dressed’ to meet anyone. In the comfort of your home and while in your pajamas, you spend the next few hours looking through profiles. Of the twenty-five most recent profiles sent to you by the service, plus an additional five profiles of guys who winked at you, you now have the potential to meet a greater number of interesting men. Here your quantity of men was 30. Of that number, you eliminate half, reducing it to fifteen. Having eliminated the profiles you were not interested in, you then send out emails to the remaining fifteen. You hear back from seven. During your email and phone communications with the seven guys, you agree to meet with just five of the men. Your success rate here is five out of thirty or a mere 17 percent.

However, when comparing meeting men in person with meeting online, your pool of men went from four, to thirty. That’s an increase of 750 percent! When looking at the controversy from this perspective, you can see why there is a misperception that relationships don’t last long or are dangerous via online verses meeting men in-person. The fact is there are a greater number of people you are able to meet when you cast a wider net.

Dating is a numbers game. The more opportunities you have, the greater your chances of meeting Mr. Right. Online dating allows you the opportunity to meet a greater number of men. On the flipside, it also gives you the opportunity to eliminate a greater number of men for all the same reasons you would if you met them in-person. Another benefit of online dating is that it allows you to weed out men based on profiles you see which don’t appeal to you. This is not something you can do on a chat line. With a chat line, you are limited by both the number of people you can communicate with at any given time as well as being limited by the lack of visual screening which online profiles offer.

What is the best way to determine who to trust online? As with all dating, you should remember, always, always, always practice safe dating. Meeting strangers has its risks, whether you connect with them online or at a social event. Being a smarter dater, reduces those risks.

~~Lori

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