Divorced Dating

Divorced Dating Advice

Reader Question

I have been divorced for 2 years and I am very miserable alone. I feel I may lack the skills to find a date. I tend to come on to strong at first, but I do not know how not to. I get nervous and worried that they don't like me and I want to make a good impression. Nobody in my area seems to be interested in a relationship. All they want to do is party. I do not know how to handle myself with women. I get attached very quickly. I can't help it no matter how hard I try. What can I do to become more confident and to not stress and over think things?

~~Brad

Expert Reply

Brad,

For many, a divorce stirs up feelings of grief and loss. For others, feelings of being unlovable and loneliness are common. So it is natural that following a painful divorce, anyone would want the joy of romance back in his or her life again. It is also common for those recently divorced or who have ended a long-term relationship to focus on just dating, avoiding entering into another committed relationship. This may be what you are interpreting as nobody in my area seems to be interested in a relationship. All they want to do is party.

Women are attracted to men who are confident, fun to be with and are respectful of their time alone. You say in your letter that you tend to common on too strong at first, but do not know how not to. I get attached very quickly. I can’t help it no matter how hard I try. Perhaps women are picking up your “too quickly to attach need” and feeling uncomfortable with your behavior. If this is not the perception you want others to have of you and you are finding it difficult to control you behavior, then I would suggest you work with a mental health professional. Working with a professional is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. It shows a lot of courage to ask for help and work on your own behavior. More importantly, by being willing to work on the behaviors that are a turn off to women you are taking the first steps to developing confidence, which will help you immensely to attract, meet and date women.

After you develop the skills to manage your emotions and behaviors, then you will find it easier to focus your attention on the ways and places to meet women, as well as how to handle yourself with the opposite sex.

~~Lorie