Differences Between Love and Infatuation

From LoveToKnow Dating

Is there a difference between love and infatuation? This reader wondered the same thing. Let the answer our dating coach gives help you decide.

Struggling with Differences Between Love and Infatuation

Reader Question

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We both love each other, have talked about getting married, and how our life in the future will be. However, we just broke up because she says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now and that she wants to test the waters. She told me that she knows we will get back together but she just wants to be friends for right now. I’m fine with that but I really just want to be back together. What should I do to get here back? Please I need help, I love her so much and I don’t want to lose her to no one else.

-- Contributed by: Jimmy

Expert Reply

Dear Jimmy,

It is both natural and essential in the beginning of a relationship to be more optimistic of love. This beginning stage is known as the infatuation stage of a relationship. Some people have such a negative view of this stage, however being in this stage is the first step to a long term romance. During the infatuation stage, couples tend to overlook the behaviors of their partner that are unattractive, preferring to focus on the qualities of our love interest that are most attractive. After all, if you focused on your girlfriend’s faults you probably wouldn’t date her for 6 months.

The infatuation does eventually end. This stage gets two people excited and motivated so they develop the determination and commitment to bring up problems and concerns, work through them, and come out stronger as a couple. Unfortunately, you and your girlfriend opted out before waiting to see if the relationship was strong enough to go through this next stage of a relationship, which I call handling differences. If successful, couples complete this second stage with a sense of confidence and trust that the relationship can endure. Since your relationship didn’t get that far, you and your girlfriend have different feelings about the future.

So, how do you get her attention back on you? One tip I have is a technique that is a win-win for you. It’s called "Playing Hard to Get" and it works because we humans place a higher value on things we perceive are scarce. In other words, if your girlfriend sees she may lose you to someone else; her radar will go up, way up and with it her interest in you. Jealousy can be a powerful weapon in dating, however, use it with caution. Start making yourself available to others and less available to her. Just be careful with this method, if you get too involved with another girl, you might just lose interest in your current girlfriend all together.

~~Lori

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