Dealing with Ex Wives

From LoveToKnow Dating

Does your boyfriend have an ex wife that you need some help dealing with ex wives? Then you will enjoy this question to our dating coach.

divorced man with child

Advice Dealing with Ex Wives

Reader Question

I’m dating this guy that shortly ended things with his baby’s mom. Should I feel threatened that their relationship is probably just going through problems and that they might get back together. I kind of feel like I’m here on a temporary basis. I kind of don't trust him and it’s bringing problems to our relationship already, so soon. What could I do?

-- Contributed by: tin tin

Expert Reply

Dear Tin Tin,

I can understand your hesitation about dating a guy who has recently ended a relationship with another woman, especially if there is a child involved. It is good to go into this kind of situation cautiously, as being a rebound date can mean the guy is not completely over his ex. On the other hand, some guys stay in relationships long past their expiration date. This is because they miss the signals females give off that say, “I am so over this!” For couples where kids are involved, the motivation to remain in the relationship is for the sake of the child. Children cannot keep a couple together, that responsibility is on the parents.

The difference between a guy with a child and one without a child is that the one with a child will always have a relationship with his ex. Hopefully, the relationship is a good one. It means the guy is invested in his child’s well being. It does not mean that he is interested in getting back with his ex. I would be more cautious of the guy whose relationship with his ex is tumultuous. This can signal that the couple has unfinished business and they are working it out in the breakup. This scenario would be a reason not to trust the new relationship.

While there is a possibility that your new guy is taking a break from his ex, there is also the possibility that he is over his ex and trying to figure out how to be a good father. If you are misreading the signs, it could mean that this new relationship doesn’t have a solid chance of being something good for the both of you. Take a step back from your insecurity and observe his involvement with his ex. Is he trying to communicate with her in order to spend time with his child or is he communicating with her in order to spend more time with her? Is he honest with you about his communication with his ex or does he hide his contact with her from you?

How you answer these questions will be an indication of whether you have something to be concerned about. If, on the other hand, he is straight up and honest, then it is you who have the problem and not your new love interest. Don’t let your jealousy threaten the possibility of have a loving relationship with a guy who is a wonderful father.

~~Lori.

Retrieved from "http://dating.lovetoknow.com/Dealing_with_Ex_Wives"

 


Comments

JEC30,

The advice you seek can be found in these articles:

-- Contributed by: Debbie Vasen

I'm dating a man that has 3 children with an ex wife that he was married to for 12 years. He's an awesome father and he strives to play a very active role in his children's lives, which is something I completely respect and admire. However, this turns into daily interaction with his ex wife and sometimes involves him stopping at her house to see his kids on her nights with the kids. I was married to another man that had a child and was much less interested in being an active father, so there was more adherence to a routine or schedule and daily interaction wasn't necessary. Is it wrong of me to want something similar from a father that is so active in his kids lives? We've talked about marriage and having been a stepmother before (for 8 years) I know it's important for me to have a life separate from his ex as much as possible. How do you establish a middle ground and healthy boundaries with an ex and ensure everyone's needs are met?

-- Contributed by: JEC30

Comment on Dealing with Ex Wives



(Displayed with your comment)                        (Will not be displayed)
Verification Code:   
    

 
Dating Categories
LoveToKnow Tools
More Articles