Dating Rules

Back in the 1950’s, dating rules were simple and more direct. Girls didn’t call boys, and premarital sex was frowned upon. Now, what about dating rules today? The following account is a perspective on 1950’s dating from a couple who have been married for over forty years, and some words about the rules for men and women today.

The Old Dating Rules

Fifty years ago, men and women had well-defined roles in American society. In most households, the wife stayed home to care for the house and the children, and the husband went off to work. Men were the providers and leaders. Women were the helpers and followers.

For many couples, this arrangement was a challenge. Women who actually wanted to work had few job choices; traditional roles often kept them from accomplishing what they were truly capable of. Then men, busy with work and other responsibilities, missed out on much of their children’s lives.

Although restrictive, the well-defined roles certainly made dating less complicated. Men and women knew exactly what they were supposed to do and how they were supposed to behave. Of course, not everyone followed the rules exactly.

Conceptually, the following describes traditional dating rules.

Men Did the Asking

A lady simply didn’t ask a gentleman out. She didn’t call him either, unless he called her first. Girls and women really did sit by the phone, waiting for a man to call. Plus, with no cell phones, voicemail, or caller I.D., you’d have to be home if you wanted to know he’d called.

A Gentleman Always Paid

According to traditional dating rules, the man paid for everything. A woman didn’t even need to bring money, except maybe a dime to call home “just in case.” Since a woman wasn’t expected to have a career, she also wasn’t expected to have any money of her own.

Picking Up a Girl

Back then, “picking someone up” didn’t mean hooking up at a bar. The man came to the woman’s home to pick her up for the date, and he went to the door to greet her. If she lived with her parents, he might be invited in for a chat. A gentleman would never sit in the driveway and honk the horn, and he certainly wouldn’t expect a lady to drive.

Dating Style

A date, even a first date, meant spending real time together - dinner, a movie, maybe a walk afterward. Going out in the evening was part of the ritual. The only way a date would be cut short was if someone behaved badly. That could include offering unwanted sexual advances, being rude, getting drunk, or flirting with other women or men. If a date was going badly, the woman could ask to be taken home or use that dime to call a parent or a friend to come get her. The man could simply take a badly-behaved date home early.

A Date Was Only a Date

There was no confusion about what the evening “meant.” You knew it was a date. Men and women weren’t often just friends. So if a man called a woman and asked her to dinner, it was definitely a date. It was also considered polite to ask several days ahead, and for a specific date and time. Then, you didn’t cancel a date unless something extremely important came up.

Dating Today

Dating today can be a very different game. A date might be an hour at a coffee shop or a weekend trip to the country. Since men and women can be friends without romance, when a member of the opposite sex calls to make plans, it can be hard to tell if it’s even a date at all.

Teens and young adults are already absorbed in this modern free-for-all. For people who are older, or are just getting back into the dating world, it can be a challenge.

The New Rules

Here are some of the modern dating rules:

• Anyone can ask! It’s still traditional for a man to ask a woman out, but a woman can do the asking too.
• It’s not a date until it’s obviously a date. Just because a man invites a woman to a movie (or vice versa) doesn’t mean romance is always in the cards. If it’s not clear from the start, modern daters must watch each others’ body language. Is he sitting closer than he needs to? Does she touch my arm when she’s making a point?
• No one knows who’s supposed to pay. Many men still feel that a gentleman always picks up the check, but some men resent having to pay. Additionally, some women are insulted at the implication they can’t take care of themselves. In the end, most people go with what makes them comfortable, and try not to be angry or insulted if the other person gets it “wrong.”
• Meeting in public can be a good idea. If you don’t know someone well, it’s safer to meet in a public place and arrive there under your own power. This is particularly true with blind dates and Internet dating.
• Sitting by the phone is a bad idea. Always being available will look as if you have nothing else to do. Modern daters get on with their lives, and if they’re not around when the phone rings, they are happy to let voicemail get the call.
• Short first dates are fine. With so many people meeting over the Internet, a short coffee date can be a good idea. It gives both people a chance to decide if they want to go out on a “real” date another time.
• A date can be anything! These days, there’s no reason you have to go out to dinner and a movie if neither of you likes restaurants and there’s nothing playing that you want to see. Go ahead and plan something you’ll both enjoy.

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