Courtship in Relationships

Courtship in Relationships: Keeping Romance Alive

Whether you’ve been dating a few months and have settled into a routine, or have been married several years and have children, the problem can be the same: the initial fire of romance is long gone. This happens, and it’s not a bad thing, necessarily, because it means you’ve moved on to something deeper and more meaningful. However, both members of a couple might miss some of the considerations and attentions paid during those early days and wonder why they have to be gone for good. The happy answer is that they don’t.

During courtship, each member of a couple is focused on the other. Friends and family members understand that this is a special time and do not expect to be given the same amount of energy and attention as they might usually receive. Eventually though, whether because the wedding is over or because you’ve been dating a few months, things have to get back to normal. Between the two of you, however, you may not want the sort of affectionate behavior that characterized courtship to be a thing of the past. What you have to do now, individually and together, is continue to make the effort to keep that level of the care and romance alive.

Little Things Mean A Lot

To keep the feeling of courtship in relationships alive, remember what made that time so special to begin with. The smallest gesture can feel enormous to the person you love, if it shows how much you cherish them. Here’s just a sampling of some of what you both can do as you court each other through your lives together:

• Call or send an e-mail during the day to tell your beloved you’re thinking of them.
• Make a favorite meal or snack on an ordinary day, just because.
• Hold hands.
• Plan a surprise “date.”
• Have a warm towel ready for when he/she gets out of the shower.
• Snuggle.

It may sound silly, but small gestures of love are the things that can easily fall by the wayside as you become more bound to each other. Remember why you fell in love in the first place, and don’t ever let your beloved think they’ve become part of a routine.

The Power of Words

Everyone’s favorite phrase: “I love you,” is sadly one that we don’t hear as much once the period of courtship is more or less over. You don’t want to overdo it, because all words can lose their impact when said too much, but don’t wait for birthdays or other special occasions to verbally remind your darling that they are your darling. It’s something they’ll always be happy to hear.

Likewise, there is an awful lot that’s best left unsaid. When you’re courting, you’re both careful not to get too irritable with each other, or nag, or issue a barrage of personal complaints over a nice dinner out. Obviously, once you’ve become best friends and partners, it’s your pleasure and even prerogative to be there for each other in all moods and to be a sympathetic ear and a sounding board. But time and place count for a lot. At the end of an evening before you go to bed, is it worth it to complain about a personal habit? When you’re out a restaurant together, are there other things to talk about besides problems at work or with friends? Remember the times you set aside to focus on each other during courtship, and try to do the same further down the line.

Never Stop Listening

The couples who have been together for years and still maintain a feel of courtship in relationships are the ones who really listen to each other. It may seem obvious, but with deadlines to be met, bills to be paid and children to raise, the simple act of really listening can be abandoned. You hung on each other’s words when you were first falling in love; remind your sweetie that what they say still has weight and impact, even after ten, twenty or fifty years.