Alternative Dating

Defining Alternative Dating

Not long ago, the term "alternative" would have encompassed any kind of dating that didn't involve a man and a woman meeting through mutual friends or interests. Personal ads, computer dating, and same-sex matches would all have been considered unusual. These days, we're used to meeting people online and same-sex couples are not only common, they're able to marry in some places.

As the definition of dating has expanded, the opportunities for alternative dating have widened. The Internet has allowed people with diverse interests to find each other easily. The casual approach to sex in Hollywood and in the news media has helped to make people more comfortable with alternative practices.

Some of the more popular types of alternative dating include:

• Polyamory - the practice of having serious relationships with more than one person at a time.
• Swinging - which includes swapping partners and/or engaging in group sex.
• Hookups - one-night stands without any emotional commitment.
• Fetish play - in which daters who share the same sexual fetish meet for casual encounters or more serious relationships.

Polyamory

Many people are familiar with the concept of polygamy, in which a person has more than one spouse. Most of us have heard of men having multiple wives. Less well known is polyandry, the term for one women having multiple husbands. Both practices are illegal in the United States. Polyamory, having multiple love relationships in which all partners are aware of the others, is perfectly legal as long as the multiple commitments do not include a formal marriage.

Polyamorous Relationships

Polyamorists believe that traditional marriage is simply one of many lifestyle choices. Some polyamorists argue that, since many other cultures embrace the idea of multiple partners, monogamy is an aberration.

Not all polyamorists practice the same style of polyamory.

• Polyfidelitous groups are essentially marriages among multiple people. They are sexually exclusive. Members often share a home.
• Open marriages are traditional marriages with a twist: although the partners are emotionally committed to one another, outside romances are accepted and even welcomed. Some polyamorous groups are open, too.
• Intimate networks are more loosely knit groups in which all members are aware that the relationships are "open." Members may come and go, and the depth of commitment varies.

Polyamorous Dating

Polyamory can be a difficult topic to bring up in a relationship. Not everyone will understand, or appreciate, the idea that love can and should be shared. Online dating sites can be a short-cut to finding people who are already comfortable with the "poly" lifestyle. To learn more, try the Polyamory Society.

Swinging

Swinging is a more casual way to get involved with multiple partners. Traditionally, swingers were couples who liked to swap partners with other pairs, either for a one-time sexual encounter or for ongoing play. Today, the term also includes singles who enjoy encounters with couples or groups.

Many large cities have swinger's clubs, public nightclubs where interested people can meet and pursue their sexual interests. These places aren't always advertised, so it helps to know someone who's already a member of the scene. Private parties are another way for swingers to meet and connect. With the popularity of online dating, it's gotten much easier to meet fellow swingers. Some dating sites are devoted to swinging, or let members click "swinger" as an option. Adult FriendFinder is one of the largest sites for this kind of alternative dating.

Hookups

The classic hookup starts in a bar or nightclub and ends with the early-morning "walk of shame," in which one participant leaves the other's apartment dressed in clothes from the night before. Hookups don't require any emotional commitment. Partners sometimes don't even know each other's names.

Like swinging, hookups have gotten easier thanks to the Internet. Dozens of web sites offer to connect people looking for casual sex. Plus, when both people have checked off "casual encounters" on their personal profiles, it's a good bet that neither will be looking for a phone call or flowers the next day.

Fetish Play

Fetishes are specific objects or actions which, for some people, not only heighten arousal and enjoyment but may be essential to satisfying sex. In the past, people with sexual fetishes often felt alone, wondering if they would ever find someone to indulge their fantasies. Now, sites like Alt.com invite personal ads from people who are interested in bondage, sadomasochism, and many other choices. Some of the more unusual fetishes include chastity belts, fire play, and a fondness for boots or shoes. These sites are welcoming, explicit, and open to all lifestyle choices as long as they don't involve harming others.

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