Advice on Understanding What Men Need

From LoveToKnow Dating

Advice on understanding what men need may take many forms for the question can be difficult, but it is not insurmountable. While the old joke is that if a man knew what a woman really needs, then he could write a book and retire in wealth. The same joke could be told about men. From the point of view of dating and relationships, what do we really need? Ask 100 men, you are likely to get 100 different answers, each as superficial as the last and none that really delve into the question--why? Because people think in terms of the material, or in terms of action and reaction, so the answers tend to come out as wants rather than needs and that can lead to relationship problems because the question is not really being addressed. Does that mean that men do not know what they need? Of course they do! It is simply a matter of articulating that one base necessity.

So, What is Your Advice on Understanding What Men Need?

Men need to be accepted as they are. They do not wish to be fixed. There it is, and if you think about it, every answer you might get to the question of what men want from a relationship boils down to that. The following statements are great examples of this basic fact.

Men Need Great Sex

Of course they do! So do the ladies. Do you know of anyone who wakes up in the morning and decides to go out that evening for some poor-to-mediocre sex? Still, the issue is not the desire for great sex, it is the need to know that his idea of what great sex entails is accepted and agreed to by the woman he wants to have great sex with.

Men Need Their Space Respected

Again, this statement means more than it seems to mean at the surface. Some women would look at this man and conclude that he is a loner, one who doesn't need a relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth! It means that he has habits and personal rituals that he really doesn't wish to explain or even have questioned. This can include anything from the order in which he does things in the morning to having a set time to watch football on Sunday afternoons to spending time in his garage or workshop doing projects. For the most part, it does not mean he wants to exclude his lady. In fact, in many instances, he would be more than happy if she would join him. Men need to feel supported in doing the things that make them happy.

Men Need Their Clothing Choices Respected

Now, for the most part, women should remember that their man was probably dressed in his usual manner when they met and probably when she fell in love with him as well. Recalling this, she should not try too terribly hard to change his wardrobe, though most men do appreciate it when their ladies take enough of an interest in them to replace certain articles as they wear out.

On the other side of the coin, this issue can be a tough one because the lady may have some very good reasons to try and steer her man away from the International Orange jeans, chartreuse t-shirt and flip-flops he's been wearing since college. Still, making him feel as if he belongs on a daytime talk show during “Fashion Disaster Week” is not the best way to go.

Remember this advice on understanding what men need: They need to be accepted and not fixed like some broken toy. It is an issue of self esteem. Tact and respect are the way to work this, always reassuring him that your condemnation of the orange jeans is not a condemnation of him and, perhaps, letting him know that he is too good or smart or mature for the wardrobe you plan to eliminate will help him to deal with the change. Does that smack of manipulation? Not really, since if he wasn't too good, smart, mature, whatever, for the offending wardrobe items, it would probably not be an issue.

Men Need to Spend Time With Their Friends

This is an area where the lady in question will often find herself excluded and for good reason. There are times, like it or not, when men have to be men and do it in the company of other men. Boy's night out does not necessarily mean that they are going out and doing things their ladies should be worried about. What it means is that these men are bonding with one another and bolstering each other's masculinity. Emotionally, this is very important to most men and they draw great strength from it. This can be a bowling night or a weekend spent hunting or fishing, playing softball or building something.

The point is that whatever these guys are doing, they need to do it for their own well-being. It is a way to bring balance between their relationship and their own needs. In turn, doesn't the same thing happen when women go out together and leave the men at home? Given that the answer to that question is a loud “Yes,” both sexes should respect the other enough to let them have time with their friends.

In Summary

At the end of the day, when you ask what men need, the answer is invariably that a man needs to know that the woman sitting across the table wants him for who he is and not for whom she imagines she can turn him into. He needs to know that the things that are important to him, that go into making him who he is, will be cherished by the woman who loves him.

Understand that and you will understand what men need.

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