Advice for Dating a Divorce Man with Kids

Advice for Dating a Divorce Man with Kids

Reader Question

Dear Dating Coach: I have been dating a 60 + man for one and a half years. I am mid-50. We are discussing marriage, but we have two problems: (1) his son (mid thirties) disapproves of me. In fact, we were scheduled to marry three times and had to cancel each time because my boyfriend's son "couldn't get the time off." He will not allow me into his home. Second problem is money. I am unemployed and looking for work in the area where I live. My boyfriend tells me to seek employment in the area HE lives. I say that is not reasonable because I do not live in his area, hence a catch-22 situation. I will not move in with him unless we are married. After we marry, he has asked that I sell my home and put the money toward his residence (he had to take out a large amount to pay off his ex). For this, I would receive "proportionate equity" but my name would apparently not be on the title. Please advise.

-- Contributed by: Susie T

Expert Reply

Dear Susie T.

One possible reason your boyfriend’s son does not like you may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with his parent’s divorce. His excuse for not attending your wedding may be his non-verbal attempts at letting his father know that he disapproves his dating someone other than his mother. This means that your boyfriend needs to work out his relationship with his son. You can support your boyfriend by encouraging him to spend time with his son and letting his son express the hurt feelings he has over the loss of his parents' relationship. I am afraid that if this conversation does not take place, the son will always have a reason to not attend his father’s wedding. As long as your boyfriend is unwilling to marry you without his son in attendance, your plans for a wedding will be out of your reach.

I am not a financial advisor or a lawyer so I cannot advise you on the risks facing you should you remarry. I can tell you that it would be unwise of you to marry until you understand the legal ramifications of selling your home and putting the money in your husband’s home without being on the title. I would recommend that you talk to an accountant or financial advisor. Explore the possibility of renting out your home and the benefits and drawbacks that renting provides. You and your boyfriend could talk with a lawyer about a pre-nuptial that would protect both of your assets as well as of drawing up a will prior to marriage.

~~Lori