Some people may think that a woman (or man) who is smart, educated, caring and still a virgin in her late twenties or early thirties is unique, or worse abnormal. You may be surprised to know that according to a Center for Disease Control and Prevention report, 7 percent of unmarried women between the ages of 25 and 29 have never had sex; 5 percent of unmarried women between the ages of 30 and 34 are virgins as are 4.3 percent of women between the ages of 35 and 39.
Advice for Older Virgins
Women who are older and have not lost their virginity or dated can face many challenges, including those misguided perceptions of others. In a society that is far more open talking about sexual experiences in general conversation, those without such experiences can feel they have little or nothing to contribute.
Focus on Your Social Life
There is a saying; Life is what is happening while you're making other plans. Being in school does not mean you have to give up dating or making friends. Just like with your studies, you have to balance classroom lectures, with laundry and eating and sleeping; so it is fair to say you can learn to balance a social life. Plus, a social life is what will lead you to meeting some very wonderful men. Sixty-three percent of married couples meet through a network of friends. On average 30% of couples say they met via the Internet. As for the bar scene…only nine percent of women and 2 percent of men say they found a relationship through this method of meeting.
Don't Wait for THE One
As a dating coach, I have often heard people say they are looking for their "soul mate," as though this elusive person would be the answer to avoiding heartbreak and disappointment. A soul mate, any soul mate, is the person in the moment that shows up to teach you what you need to know about yourself. Your soul mates have all stood in front of you, but you have not seen then. How is this possible? Maybe you hadn't noticed them because you avoided dating in high school in order to focus on your studies. Or, perhaps dating and socializing has felt awkward. The truth is the longer you go down this path of not dating; the harder it has become to start. You have a lot of very good reasons for having avoided dating, but that doesn't make having prolonged it any easier.
According to the US census, there are over 100 million singles. The chance of you finding quality people to date is definitely achievable. However, along the way you may meet some jerks. Jerks are there to show you what you don't want in a relationship in order to teach you to identify what you do want. So how do you get started dating and socializing?
Get Out of That Rut
You get started by taking action! You are currently in a rut. You go to school, attend classes and study. Doing the same thing every day makes it unlikely you will meet or notice someone new to start a relationship with. Begin by breaking your routine. Go to a different coffee shop, go to the library and sit at a table that has room for others to join you. Go to an exercise class. Do whatever takes you out of your routine. You don't have to go alone, drag your sister along if you need courage to get started.
Meet New People
Reach out and be open to making a connection. Everyday you come into contact with people you don't know. Which means everyday you have many opportunities to meet and talk with people, if only briefly. First identify interesting people. To do this you'll need to learn to trust your instincts and act on your first impression. Use conversation openers to make things more comfortable. Offer a compliment, be willing to share your view or make a request of someone while standing in line. For example: if you're in line at the coffee shop ask the person you are interested in what they have tried on the menu? You may not always feel like talking to new people and it will take some effort to move past that inertia, but the rewards will be worth it.
Consider using an online service. There are many dating services out there, some connect people by personality likeness, others by common interest, and each has various screening tools. The benefit of using an online services is that it's a way to slow down the process of meeting people, which can be a plus to individuals who find the fast pace of meeting someone in person a little overwhelming. Online dating allows you to select potential dates, talk via email and then work up to meeting in-person.
Take Action Now
Changing your views about having a social life will mean taking action now. If you feel that fear and anxiety are stopping you, consider working with a life coach, dating coach or mental health professional to help you develop a plan of action as well as the social skills for interacting with men. Mark Twain said, All life demands change, variety, contrast- else there is small zest to it. It's time for you to get your zest on.