File It Under "G"...for Garbage
You love him, but the stuff that comes with him might be a different story. Those torn up shoes, piles of CDs he can't part with, and furniture that has seen better days needs to get the heave-ho. Maybe he just needs a good push to leave it out on the curb or take it to the nearest Goodwill. Luckily, you, as his significant other, are just the person for the job!
The Ol’, Stained Sofa
It was tolerable at his bachelor pad, but now that it's moved into your shared space, you can't help thinking, "What the heck causes a blue stain? And why is it so hairy?!" You don't want to know, and you don't want it in your home.
That Misplaced Painting
As the only piece of artwork that he owns, he likely loves this painting, but, in your mind, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Whether it's a depiction of dogs playing cards, a death metal band lighting a stage on fire, some abstract weirdness, or a collection of high-end cars, it doesn't fit in with your strategically thought-out décor.
Embroidered jeans for men. Nope. They don't have a high fashion look. For the love of your sanity, make him get rid of them immediately.
Room Consuming, Dated Stereo Systems
In this modern age, all you really need is a compact iPhone speaker. Enough said.
Ex-Girlfriend Gifted T-Shirts
Why would he want to hold onto these to begin with? These are memories that should be left in the past, and put where they belong...in a garbage dump far, far away.
His “Lucky” Shoes
You know the pair. They are falling apart, stink, have holes in the sole, and are some kind of brown-sewage green color. Gross. Why they bring him luck is a mystery to you, but he swears by them. Find him a new pair of shoes that you insist were rubbed by seven lucky rabbits feet and a dozen horseshoes.
Self-Made Cut Off Shirts
Is his closet full of Slayer, Van Halen, and/or Pantera shirts? Not to knock on these (epic) bands, but please don't let him represent them via a DIY wife-beater shirt. For his sake and yours.
How are socks with holes in them even comfortable? There's no argument here; it's time for him to go sock-shopping.
Parts, Parts, and More Parts
Car parts, computer parts, robot parts, he insists he's going to need them one day. You know, when the world comes to an end, and he is the one tasked to build the master computer that will save all humanity. Not.
The “I’m Going to Use it Again” Sports Equipment
If he's not a professional athlete, he's probably never going to use those football pads again. If he does play any kind of sport past the age of 30, it's likely to be his company's office softball team, which, last time we checked, didn't require a garage full of sports equipment.
Unless he's Guy Fieri, anything involving flames is a big no. This includes shirts, hats, shoes, etc. It's not cool; it's a hot mess.
Stockin’ the Crocs
The argument you might get here is their "functionality." But how functional are they really when you are catching dinner and a movie on a Friday night? There aren't any rivers or streams that you'll be walking through that you're aware of. Introduce him to a nice pair of sandals.
Mother Truckin’ Hats
Didn't these go out of style like fifteen years ago? Let's all hope this is one trend that stays in the distant past.
DIY Jean Shorts—No ANY Jean Shorts
Buy him a pair of jean shorts. Unless he's Kurt Cobain, the frayed, macro-made jean short look isn't a thing.
That Eternal Half-Finished Project Consuming Precious Desk Space
It's a dresser? No, a TV stand! Whatever it is, it's been consuming your workspace for the last six months. It needs to go.
The Wolf of Wall Street Ties
Oh my gosh, is that Jordan Belfort? Nope. The Wolf of Wall Street is a classic, but wide ties aren't. Teach him the ropes of skinny ties, or, if he's a risk-taker, bow ties.
Well, he's obviously not trying to pick up ladies anymore, so these aren't needed, right? Not to say that you both can't go out and have a good time, but help him upgrade his look to something a littler classier.
The Business Insider Circa 2009
He has STACKS of them. You know it's his favorite magazine, but he never reads them. "But what if I need to look back on them for advice one day?" Remind him that Google's got his back.
A–Z of CDs and DVDs
If he owns any of the following, he doesn't need to keep a collection of CDs or DVDs anymore: Smart phones, iPods, iPads, smart TVs, and Pandora. You're welcome.